No words

To contact us Click HERE
    No words can express the pain in my heart or the amount of tears I have cried. I opened this page three hours ago and just sat here staring. I could not bring myself to write about my feelings, but somehow I have convinced myself to do so, for the time being. The past 3 days have honestly been some of the worst times of my life and for me to say that it means a lot.

    On Saturday morning I was taking my usual route to work however, when i approached 103rd and Northern the road was blocked and there were signs saying emergency scene. I could barely see ahead enough to tell something had happened on 107th and Northern which is right by my parents house. I tried to call my dad but had no success. I called the house phone and my mom answered, i told her i was calling to be sure my brothers and everyone was okay since I couldn't get close enough to the scene to be sure it wasn't any of their cars. She told me that they were in bed sleeping and everyone was accounted for. My dad returned my call a little while after asking if i had seen the accident and when I told him no he told me about how bad it was. We discussed how sad that was and ended our conversation shortly after. About two hours later my phone rings again and its my dad, I answered the phone and he doesn't even bother saying hello, he just asks if i had talked to my mom. I told him no and he proceeded to tell me that the accident was Ryan Stalker and his brother. My heart immediately stopped and no part of me, no matter how hard i tried, could muster up the words to confirm what i just heard. My dad had to gain my attention again and as soon as he asked if i heard what he said the tears just started uncontrollably running down my face. For one of the few times in my life i couldn't find my words. It's like my entire being just froze and when i finally came back to it i shattered. I immediately rushed to find my brothers, having not only an emotional but physical breakdown. I walked through the door expecting and hoping this to be some sort of sick joke. I quickly realized just how wrong I was. My brother sitting at the table, eyes swollen and tears flowing. Just when I thought my heart couldn't hurt anymore it shattered into a million more pieces. When I am typically the one with all of the words to help I find my tongue to be broken. I hugged my brother hoping to help but as soon as we embraced one another it was like we both wept the hardest we ever had. Knowing that someone else felt your pain, hurt and sorrow and there was nothing either of you could do for one another has been one of the worst realizations of my entire life. Ryan was not only a friend for over a decade but family. He grew up with both of my brothers and watched my son grow from the day he was born. He had a presence that was quiet but welcoming. He could blend in with any crowd but had such an amazing sense of humor that it was known he was around.

    Now, here we are, in a blink of an eye and he is no longer with us. So much pain is felt, it is almost unbearable. The night following the accident we held a candle light vigil at the scene. Walking up to that spot was one of the hardest things i have ever done. Having to come to terms with the fact that all of this was real. Seeing broken and burned cd's, glasses, a cell phone. I quickly realized that I could no longer pray that it weren't real. I had the prof of the incident right in front of my eyes. The ashes from the vehicles right by my feet and shattered glass everywhere I turned. Again, tears. I soon learned that this was my body's way of releasing what little pain I could. For those minutes, i felt like the world stopped spinning and i had been there for weeks. As people started showing up and I watched their eyes survey the surrounding and the wave of pain come across their faces i could hear the sound of their hearts breaking. No one could seem to muster up the words to speak. At least one hundred people showed up to show their support to one another and let it be known that everyone was suffering. A community of people that have been raised together reunited in one of the most awful events possible. A candle light vigil is never an easy thing. People stand together, everyone full of pain but no one able to speak about it. The pain too fresh in every one's mind to even begin to think of how to heal. Everyone standing around not knowing what to do, seconds feel like years and the pain swells. As the time passed and people started leaving we realized it was now our turns to leave the scene. It took forever for anyone to turn and walk. We would take short shuffles to our car and quickly be at another stand still. Once we actually made the decision that we had to go it was like being stabbed with a knife where my heart used to be. Each step feeling heavier and heavier. Legs weak, heart hurting. A million times worse then walking up to the scene. Moving away

      Earlier throughout the day i had listened to every one's tongue tied remarks. Things such as "he wouldn't want you to mourn" or "at least he was taken quick and not lying in a hospital bed." I'm not sure if i am the only one but these things infuriate me. First of all, "he wouldn't want you to mourn" this statement is ridiculous. Of course no one thinks about their death ahead of time and states "when I am gone do not cry" and if they do they cannot honestly expect that from anyone. There is so much hurt when you realize that you will never see a person again. When you realize that the person who was once at your house all the time will never walk thru that door again. You will never be graced with a smile or a smart remark you so often took for granted. So not mourning is not an option. Second, "at least he was taken quick..." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! there is no sense of comfort or soothing in this statement. I cannot help but imagine what their bodies went thru at the time of impact. About what an awful and horrific thing that must have been. Worst of all about the pain and torture they were put thru if God forbid they weren't "taken quickly". Quite frankly i think everyone is full of it. There is no easy way for someone to "go". Standing surrounded by hurt people quickly made me realize that all of the suffering i was going thru was felt by so many.

    I have found myself driving in circles, crying uncontrollably and just being pissed at the world. "Important" conversations carried on are tuned out, fixed gazes on things with no meaning. I cannot come to terms with why bad things would happen to such good people. Being only 19 and full of intelligence and this is the card he was dealt. The fact that we are left here to suffer because someone so close to us is no longer here. The fact that we take life for granted and don't take advantage of the times we have to take two seconds and tell people we care and love them.

     At first I was writing this as a tool to gather my thoughts. As a small hope that i can come to terms with what has happened but in doing so i realized that we all need each other. That we all need to know that there are others going thru the same emotions. Not everyone is on the same level but the stages of grief are there. Times like this should be used to strengthen bonds. We should be sharing our stories of the happy times to help each other try to over come the bad. We should be mending bridges with those that have been broken. We should be extending hands and pieces of our broken hearts to each other in hopes that where one person is missing a piece ours can fill the void a like wise.

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.  ~Author Unknown"






P.s. I am sure that i will have much more to say about this, but as for now i have gotten all i can out of myself for one night. 

We Are Who We Are!

To contact us Click HERE
People being fake is becoming a real peeve of mine. People putting words in my mouth and people talking nothing but shit. I am always one to say my feelings. I often get criticized for being too honest but I find that to be better then leaving myself open for people to interpret things for themselves. The main reason is because I don't want people to fear that I am talking about them. I want people to know how i feel without hearing it from someone else. Most people do not understand this and for that I do not care. If you do not have a good understanding of me within the first hour of meeting me then you will never know me.

With that being said, this whole "friendship" thing is ridiculous. I have become very cold towards a lot of people because people cannot take responsibility for themselves. It irritates me and I am sick of it. Do not call yourself my friend if you cannot hold up your end of the friendship.

I have deleted my facebook for the time being and i have decided to focus more on myself and my family. I recently made the decision to stop eating meat. I read an article about a product called "Pink Slime" and watched the movie "Food Inc." and it has completely turned me off to meat products. My adventure has only started about a week and a half ago and it has been a lot harder then i ever could've imagined. As a human i am definitely a creature of habit. I have chowed down a burger and not even thought about it until it was too late. I have found the key factor in this decision is asking questions. With other people preparing your food it has never been more obvious that the human race is so oblivious to what they put in their body. :( I am also back in the gym and very confident in myself. I have made the decision that enough is enough.

Kyden starts first grade in about three weeks. I am so happy for him to return to his friends but I am also so sad that he is growing up so fast. It hurts my heart to see babies and think that Kyden was once that little and now insists on being as independent as everyone else. I just want time to slow down.

Jordan and I are doing just as great as ever. We are definitely feeling the time crunch of this wedding with having less than 4 months to go. I have entered the nightmare stage and had dreams of forgetting my garter and my veil and having no where to go to buy one. Talk about a scary feeling. I am going to have to make sure that I have everything packed well before the big day.


Sorry for all of the rambling. I just havent updated anything on here in quite sometime and decided to do so today. I will make a much better effort of doing so in the future. :)

Children

To contact us Click HERE
Since when did children become something that people can easily dispose of? I do not understand. There has been soooo many horrifying cases of child abuse and death recently that my mind is seriously blown. Don't get me wrong, I know that these things have always happened and the only reason we hear more about them now is the news. However, that doesn't make it any less sickening. People murdering children (whether its theirs or someone else's) and then disposing of their body like the bag of chips that they had for lunch.

The most recent one that blew my mind was the woman that had 5 babies by someone that she had an affair with. She delivered them in her own home and them stored their bodies in a closet. She put them in containers, coated them in concrete and many other things. Her husband didn't think she was ever pregnant and the only reason they found out about this was because their teenage daughter found the remains of these babies in the closet. This woman is just sick and wrong. Not one but 5?! All babies were thought to be full term so she has been doing this for between 4 and 5 years?! She didn't learn not to get pregnant after the first?! THIS IS JUST CRAZY! I do not understand how people process these thoughts and then act on them.

The story of the 10 year old being stuffed in a locker by the mercy of what were supposed to be her guardians and she dies. If you do not want a child give them away, that should not be a hard thing when it is so easy for you to treat a child so poorly. It's said that she was put in this container because she took some sort of food and ate it. Maybe if she was fed correctly then that wouldn't have happened, and since when did putting a child in a small container become a form of punishment. Four adults are responsible for this yet none of them had enough sense to not do this to begin with? Neighbors had seen the abuse happening but none of them said anything? In my opinion they are just as responsible and should be in trial right along with the other four adults. Being responsible for a child doesn't mean that you are free to abuse them as you please. There are many options for that child and death is not anyone's right, even if that person is the care taker.

The well known Casey Anthony trial is another example. I DO NOT CARE WHO YOU ARE, WHEN YOUR CHILD IS MISSING FOR OVER A MONTH YOU DO NOT GO OUT AND PARTY. I am so sick of non parents saying "everyone has their own way of dealing with a loss". That is very true but not when it is about the loss of your own child. People also say "well she was young, maybe she just couldn't handle it and wanted her life back". Umm, excuse me but I was 17 when i had my son and never once did I come close to ending his life! People make excuses for people and it's ridiculous. I never once, in my 6+ years of being a parent lost my child. I always know exactly where he is and heaven forbid, had I lost him, all Hell would have broken loose. I wouldn't be on a bar in a white t-shirt, instead I would be banging on everyone's door until the world was turned upside down. Once again, parenting is a huge responsibility and not everyone is cut out for it, but there are other options.

People could not be more selfish when choosing to end a child's life. You are not the only person connected to that child! Perfect example; when I worked in daycare there was a child in my class that passed away (somewhat similar to these above stories) and although I was only connected to her for a brief period in her short life, my heart still hurts for her. Imagine, if I, someone who only knew this little baby for a few short hours everyday, for a few short months hurt this bad, how do you think her family feels. Uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents all bear an gaping hole for an innocent child they all loved. Expecting to watch her grow, graduate, marry and have her own beautiful children and only to lay her to rest unexpectedly. What a selfish, selfish thing that person did robbing so many people of that privilege.
 
http://www.myspace.com/video/nvasquez1/emily/17174514

Everyone needs to wake up and realize that children are a joy and not a punishment. A life is not to be taken lightly, it's to be cherished and nourished.

"Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future" - John F. Kennedy

PLEASE TAKE AN ACTIVE ROLE!

To contact us Click HERE
      So, K is now a first grader. It saddens me to know how fast he is growing now that he has a school calendar to chart the days as they pass right by. This year he started the school year off from his dads house, however, I still had just as much anxiety as if he were here. We took him to school the first day of school so that I could take pictures and add them to his photo album. You could tell that he was nervous and unsure of whether or not he actually wanted to be there. With a playground full of children that he didn't recognize he decided he wanted to hang out with me and Jordan before the bell rang to call them all to class. Then, the moment I had be dreading, the ringing of the bell. I walked with Kyden to find his teacher and showed him where he was supposed to line up in order to go inside. I didn't want to be too much of a pest so once he was in line I kissed him goodbye and told him to have an amazing first day. I had to quickly turn around because I knew the tears were coming. Jordan and I were walking back to the car and all I could do was let the single tear run down my face. It saddened me to know how quickly he was growing. I wanted my little baby back. The one that needed me and begged for me to rock him to sleep every night, the one that only found comfort in my touch. Now he was off in school learning and achieving so that he could make me the proud mother I have always been. I called him at his dads house to check and find out how his first day went. He was in no mood to talk. He gave me one word answers and when I asked him if he wanted me to come have lunch with him he quickly brushed me off. I reminded him to get a good night sleep and told him I would speak with him tomorrow. He told his aunt that night that he was just really tired from the long day of school. Mind you, he attended Kindergarten at the same school but it was only halfday (a little less than 3 hours) and he now attends full day (7 hours).

The next morning I called to ask him if he would like me to come have lunch with him or if he would rather me wait and with excitement in his voice he told me that he wanted me to come there that day. So I called the office and they told me the time he was set to have lunch. I arrive 5 minutes early, sign in and take a visitor sticker. The woman at the front desk speaks to me like I'm a child and tells me that I "still have 4 minutes and I need to take a seat" *I know I'm a young mother but I do not need to be treated like a child* So I wait the 4 minutes and head to the cafeteria. I find Kyden and he is just starting to pull out his lunch that he brought to school with him. I catch a glance at the clock and it reads 11:03. So I sit down and try to make conversation with him about what he has learned thus far. He is very short and tells me that they have started talking about math. K is always very talkative. We make it a point to always sit down together at dinner time and talk about what we have done that day so for him to not talk is a little concerning to me. There are teachers yelling at students and some crazy lady blowing a whistle to gain the attention of a room full of eager children. I don't know about you but I did not put my child through obedience school like a dog so when I send him out the door for an education I do not want others teaching him as such. K is still not very talkative but I try to reason it due to the fact of it's still a new school year. Teachers are now releasing the children out to recess to go play. Releasing is the wrong word, it was more of a push or a shove in the non physical way. I look over to K and he hasn't hardly finished his lunch and is frantically putting his stuff back into his lunch box. I told him "If you are not finished eating you need to stay here and continue eating, you have a full day ahead of you still." There is a little girl on my other side who over hears me and pulls her food back out of her lunch sack and continues to eat. I take notice of what a great lunch someone had packed for her. Gold fish, yogurt, a sandwich and some grapes.K insists that he is done eating after finishing a few more bites and he is ready to go outside. So we pack up his lunch and step away from the table. As soon as we do a teacher comes over to the little girl and tells her "You have two minutes to pack up and go outside". We are now the last table to leave the cafeteria and as I glance at my watch I realize that it is only 11:18. 15 minutes!! THAT'S all the time these first graders are given to eat, 15 MINUTES?!

     First of all, I do not even eat in 15 minutes so I wouldn't expect that from a 6 year old. K and I have a 20-30 minutes drive in the morning. Therefore, he has 4 hours from breakfast until lunch and 5 hours from lunch until school is out. Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to give a bunch of 6 year olds 15 minutes to eat?! This food is what fuels their body's and mind's. Then teachers are mad when they have a short attention span.  

    I went to the Peoria School District and spoke to one of the people in administration. He told me that all of my concerns were very valid and definitely needed to be brought to the attention of the school. So the Vice Principal gave me some half assed follow up phone call and K came home today telling me that he didn't have enough time to eat because it was time to go outside. My biggest concern in this whole ordeal is about children like that little girl that sat to my right that day. When she goes home with a 1/4 eaten lunch and an empty stomach her parents are going to think that she is just being picky and they may stop sending her with such a great lunch since she appears to be wasting it. What if by the time this unacceptable situation gets fixed they are sending her smaller lunches. She would then have the appropriate time to eat but nothing to fill her stomach for the long day ahead of her.

    My whole point of this blog is to encourage you to play an active role. People cannot just expect everything to be okay, things like this need to be acknowledged and the only way for that to happen is for us, as parents, to follow up and check in on those who we trust our children to. 

ARIZONA HUMANE SOCIETY

To contact us Click HERE
ARIZONA HUMANE SOCIETY ARE SELLING ANIMALS
THIS IS MY STORY ABOUT WHAT I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE REAL WAY THE ARIZONA HUMANE SOCIETY GETS AND ADOPTS ITS ANIMALS .
HORROR STORY FROM AZ HUMANE SOCIETY THIS IS MY STORY THAT IS HAPPENING NOW
On June 8,2007 a 4 month old Papillion puppy was found by my daughter wondering the streets of phoenix Arizona on over 100 degrees temperature extremely hot his fur was fried dry he was thirsty tired but was very loving my daughter took him to the Arizona humane society to find out the AGE AND BREED OF THE puppy we saw that he was very young we named butterball. my daughter and i where told by the intake representative to fill out a form which was given to me this intake representative says that the form was to give information of the owner where the puppy was found that it was no problem to find out the age and the breed of butterball and that a representative would be calling Monday to give butterballs information to us I called Saturday to confirm that there was NO misunderstanding she was told that they would call Monday with his information fully assured that butterball was going to be returned by the intake representative with no worries waited until Monday getting ready for butterball home coming and at 3:54pm Monday a heartbreaking messages was left by don who said you dog is ready and will be sent off for surgery Tuesday I saying WHAT ! and his adoption free is $250.00 for napoleon or butterball what ever his name is and if you want him back he will be ready Wednesday I called Mr. don at the Arizona humane society and was asked if I had received a receipt for butterball and I did not !! MY FAMILY FEEL'S THAT THE ARIZONA HUMANE SOCIETY WAS HOLDING BUTTERBALL FOR RANSOM ! we where never told of a price nor that the puppy was never going to be given back to us WE FEEL THAT BUTTERBALL AND OTHER puppies are being taken in the same matter to be sold on the tv show pets on parade THE ARIZONA HUMANE SOCIETY HAS SENT BUTTERBALL TO PETS MART THEY ARE TRYING TO GET OUT OF WHAT HAS HAPPEN AND SOLD BUTTERBALL WITHOUT S KNOWING ANYTHING WHEN I CALLED THE ARIZONA HUMANE SOCIETY VICE PRESIDENT JILL WHO SAID YOU WILL NEVER GET HIM BACK HE IS OUR PROPERTY NOW ! after I informed them that I was taking them to court she says HAVE FUN ! I called Mrs. Cheryl Nuamnn C.E.O of the Arizona humane society left messages everyday asking for a return call about this NOTHING I STILL HAVE NOT RECEIVED A CALL so I called her assistant Tina she started to yell at me I ASKED HER WHY WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME and then asked me WHY DO YOU WANT HIM ? IT’S BEST IF YOU TAKE THIS TO COURT ! FEEL THAT THIS WAS TRICKERY AT ITS BEST TO IN SLAVE A INNOCENT PUPPY FOR THE PURPOSE OF A TV SHOW AND PROFIT OF THE ARIZONA HUMANE SOCIETY .how many family pets have they done this to ? how many people have they did this to ? DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE WE CARE ABOUT ANIMALS ACT THEY ANY CARE ABOUT THE MONEY AND NOTHING ELSE NOT THE CARE AND BEST INTEREST OF ANIMALS

Familiar look of SR 143 will stay in place

To contact us Click HERE

ADOT's Landscape Architectural Designer, left, evaluates a location.

The SR 143 has undergone some reconstruction and work still continues, but that doesn’t mean the indigenous images and symbols that have long been a part of its landscape will go away.

Motorists driving to and from Phoenix’s Sky Harbor International Airport have become accustomed to the landform graphics, dancers, birds and pottery designs all inspired by the Hopi and Hohokam cultures.

ADOT’s Project Landscape Architectural Designer Joseph Salazar says he and his team are preserving some of that original design and adding to it.

Take for example, the Hohokam dancers. Before construction started there were four of these statues situated in the area (they’re made of molded polystyrene that gets finished smooth and painted, by the way). Those four are being refurbished and five additional statues will be joining them.

Foam stand-ins are used to
determine placement.

We had the chance earlier this month to join the project team as they scoped potential sites for the new and refurbished dancers (see photos).

The team used foam mockups to help determine placement. The real ones will go in between now and June.

Salazar says he was looking at the statues from a driver’s perspective to get an idea of where they should go.

It’s not all about aesthetics, though …

The striking landform graphics – made of decomposed granite – require no irrigation and very little upkeep. They also serve the functional purpose of stabilizing slopes and preventing soil erosion.

The location of the project also plays an important role in determining the look of the landscape. Because it’s so near the airport, trees and plant life that attract birds would not be a good idea – they could interfere with planes, according to Salazar.

The new ramp is designed with Hohokam
pottery colors and motifs in mind.

The cultural significance of the area is something Salazar says inspired the plans, too. He worked with staff from the nearby Pueblo Grande Museum to examine Native American pottery and artifacts that he and his team were able to translate into the design.

“They took us into their archives,” he said. “It was a real, rare opportunity.”

Salazar says much from the culture was incorporated – down to the water wave motifs and the bold Hohokam geometric patterns that are cast into the new ramps.

“When people are first coming to Arizona and landing at the airport, these are the first features they’ll encounter,” Salazar said.

ADOT's hosts its version of a garage sale this Saturday

To contact us Click HERE

These new snowplows are NOT the ones being
auctioned on Saturday, but there are some older,
used models headed to the block. The complete
item list shows what's for sale.

If you’re in the market for a snowplow, Saturday might justend up being your lucky day...
That’s when Equipment Services will hold a public auction(basically ADOT’s version of a garage sale) and there’s a long list of items upfor purchase, including that snowplow.
Also on the block: assorted sedans, a few dozen trucks, someshop manuals, warning lights, a diode tester, an attenuator truck, messageboards, front end loaders, dozers and even a highway debris pickup machine! Youcan check out the complete item list online. 
These auctions serve as a way for ADOT to dispose of itssurplus vehicles and equipment, but before one is scheduled, surplus items are offeredfor sale at fair market value to other state agencies, local governmentagencies, school districts and eligible nonprofit institutions.
All items not sold to other agencies are then rolled over tothe general public auction.
How does the auction work?Items are available for inspection between 8 a.m. and 2 p.m.on Thursday (3/29) and Friday (3/30) at ADOT’s Equipment Services yard, 2350 S.22nd Ave. in Phoenix.
Bidders can head to that same location for the auction onSaturday, March 31 – registration starts at 8 a.m. and the auction kicks off at10 a.m. So beat the crowds ... come early to register and look around!  
There is no cost to register, simply come in and fill out abidder registration card. As the auction progresses, you’ll flash your biddercard at the auctioneer to indicate your bid on a particular item.
A few things to keep in mind …

• Accepted payment forms include cash, money order,certified check or cashier’s check. Money orders and checks should be madepayable to ADOT. Personal checks and company checks will NOT be accepted.
• A 7.3 percent sales tax will be added to the selling priceof each item. Exception allowed only upon presentation of a state privilege(sales) license or state use license. Bidders claiming tax exempt status willneed to bring the original tax exemption license with them at time of bidderregistration.
• Vehicles sold at ADOT’s public auction are not licensed.However, one-trip permits can be purchased at a cost of $1 each. The one-trippermit will allow a person to operate an unregistered vehicle from a specifiedorigin to a specified destination. The one-trip permit will be valid for aperiod of not greater than three days, excluding weekends and holidays.
• All items are sold “As Is – Where Is.” Deficiencies, whenknown, will be indicated. However, absence of any indication does not mean theitem may not have deficiencies. All items should be inspected by a qualifiedtechnician prior to operation. Neither the state of Arizona, nor any of itsdepartments or institutions, nor the auctioneer, make any guarantee or warrantyof any kind, expressed or implied, as to the condition of the articles offeredfor sale.
• Pursuant to state law, any motor vehicle, painted yellow,owned or operated by the state, shall, if sold or transferred to a privateowner, be repainted a different color by such private owner before it may bedriven on the public highways of the state.

Visit ADOT’s Equipment Services website for more auctioninformation.
Important Notice:  Arizona Administrative Code isR2-15-303, Section E-5.An employee of the owning or disposing agency shall not directlyor indirectly purchase or agree with another person to purchase State surplus propertyif said employee is or has been, directly or indirectly involved in the purchase,maintenance,  preparation for sale, or disposal of the surplus material.